Slackity-slack

I'm not much of a rule follower, but I do try to keep up with my commitments. This blogging thing is tough, y'all. I'm working on balance, peace, simplicity, and bah! I have to find something great to talk about to other humans.

Here's where it's at: I'm a working mom, as many of us are. If there is anyone out there who does not think moms who stay at home don't work, you have lost your ever-loving mind. I go to work, because I could not handle what stay at home moms do. I think they are Super Women and I admire them oodles for it. This balance thing is even more difficult for mamas who are running the show all day every day, at home.

As a professional and a mom I feel the pressure to do it all - be successful, make the big bucks, volunteer for all the things, organize stuff, have a lovely whatever you name it, feed the people real food, look decent, etc,. etc., etc. What gets lost in all of this is me. We had a few health scares at our house this year that realigned my thinking. This last week, a mom I know who is my age, died. Another mom my age lost a child. A student I know experienced heart failure - for ten minutes. I cannot imagine the impact of that moment in time, when his energy was absorbed by the world for ten minutes. When death is near to you, it has a significant realigning affect.

I've been thinking a lot about balance and joy. I love the work I do, the difference it makes, and my why. Yet I'm stressed, disconnected, and empty. I need more of my people. I find myself wondering am I doing the right things? Am I sharing my talents in the way it was intended? Could I do different? Could I do more? Do I just need to totally change direction? Can I just quit everything that doesn't work and seek balance... Yeah maybe, but then there's having to make peace with letting all the people down. How does one realign and help others feel good about it?

That's where 2019 has me - with peace that I don't have to do all the things and turmoil in my head about what to do next. Now I have to figure out what it is that makes my heart smile and what it is that has to go. And you know what? I think I'm ok with that.