So here we are at love day. I'm not a fan, I'm not opposed. How's that for a stance on our fabulous hallmark holiday?
This day feels different this year. I've been trying to put my finger on it, exactly. I think in the last year I've learned to love myself and give myself some grace. What's transpired is this sense of freedom, of permission, to be happy with myself in my own skin, to celebrate my quirky, to embrace the weirdness of the people around me and to just love without judgement. Starting with myself.
Maybe that's the difference?
Maybe Valentine's Day for us adults is kind of like Christmas for the Grinch...it's about first, your relationship with yourself and second, the good you choose to leave in the lives of others.
It's pretty hard to give your whole self or to bring your best self to any situation, when you're stuck. I'm in to simplicity, wholeness, and connecting myself with the world around me. Still, it's tough to be bold in a world that's looking for me to be silently brilliant.
So, I'm working on letting go of perfection and the person other people think I ought to be to embrace who I am - wonderfully and fearfully made, bold, brilliant, brave. Yeah, I'm working on wonderful and fearless, so we'll just start with Psalm 139:14 and go from there.
In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy this day of lub and keep on finding ways to love me, so I can share me with you. xoxo
Thursday, February 14, 2019
Friday, February 8, 2019
Bucket Fillers
During this month of love, I've found myself thinking a lot about bucket fillers.
Nope, I'm not referring to the ice melt that's filling my bucket out back, which as it turns out, doesn't really work on the ice skating rink driveway when it's -30 degrees outside. You only learn that one the hard way.
This bucket filler thinking started with what to buy my loves to show them love for my favorite Hallmark holiday. When my child told me she wants an Apple watch for Valentine's day, we had a quick re-alignment, #youneedajobforthat conversation. I ditched the buy more stuff idea. We have way too much stuff.
I'm focused on free fun, free love, freedom - what makes me whole. The joy factor things that fill up my heart and refuel me, so much so that it bubbles over and I share it with someone else who needs joy and love. Bucket fillers.
As we work toward this more simple life thing, bucket fillers are really important. So is sleep, which gives our brains the ability to repair and reset from the stress, trauma, drama that we experience during our day "jobs". When the sleep bucket is empty, not even chocolate works to fill the old heart song bucket.
So, I've been searching for the things that fill my bucket and during this journey, I discovered that letting go of having the perdy-est bucket, the biggest, bestest bucket fills 'er right up. Bucket fillers are free. It's super simple.
WHOA.
Have I mentioned that a lot of self discovery happens after forty and that simple is almost impossible without it?
The deal is this: in my younger, pre-parenthood life I was wild, free, funny, zany, and could have cared less what people thought of me. Then parenthood happened. For a long, sleep deprived time after that, I worked toward perfection. I thought that's what I was supposed to do. I did what was expected of me, kept my house spotless, worked crazy hours, super-parented (this one turned out well in the end, actually), played perfect, and looked mostly like I had the part down. EXCEPT I WAS MISERABLE.
Enter nearly every life change possible and ten years later I'm starting to wonder why no one told me that my thirties were going to suck, to be sure to stay true to myself. Aholes. So here I am, self, telling you - just do you. This getting back to who you really are, when you've been fakin' it till you make it so long is really hard work. People don't always like you. Most people you liked, you don't like either, so it works out!
The plank: if you're tired, miserable and hate your life, you can fix it. Breathe. Align. Ditch the perfection, bigger, better, bigger, better crap and enjoy where you are. Get to know yourself again. This is going to take a while, so get comfy, too. You will spend a good chunk of time figuring who just 'you' is again, in order to uncover what it is that fills your bucket.
Don't be afraid to be alone. Alone does not always mean lonely.
Do the things that make you belly laugh, bring you joy, and allow you to connect. Give yourself a break. Love on yo'self. You're worth it.
XO
Nope, I'm not referring to the ice melt that's filling my bucket out back, which as it turns out, doesn't really work on the ice skating rink driveway when it's -30 degrees outside. You only learn that one the hard way.
This bucket filler thinking started with what to buy my loves to show them love for my favorite Hallmark holiday. When my child told me she wants an Apple watch for Valentine's day, we had a quick re-alignment, #youneedajobforthat conversation. I ditched the buy more stuff idea. We have way too much stuff.
I'm focused on free fun, free love, freedom - what makes me whole. The joy factor things that fill up my heart and refuel me, so much so that it bubbles over and I share it with someone else who needs joy and love. Bucket fillers.
As we work toward this more simple life thing, bucket fillers are really important. So is sleep, which gives our brains the ability to repair and reset from the stress, trauma, drama that we experience during our day "jobs". When the sleep bucket is empty, not even chocolate works to fill the old heart song bucket.
So, I've been searching for the things that fill my bucket and during this journey, I discovered that letting go of having the perdy-est bucket, the biggest, bestest bucket fills 'er right up. Bucket fillers are free. It's super simple.
Here's why: I gave myself grace to enjoy life,
laughed a little more, sang louder but worse,
and aligned myself with people who don't spend their time judging me.
WHOA.
Have I mentioned that a lot of self discovery happens after forty and that simple is almost impossible without it?
The deal is this: in my younger, pre-parenthood life I was wild, free, funny, zany, and could have cared less what people thought of me. Then parenthood happened. For a long, sleep deprived time after that, I worked toward perfection. I thought that's what I was supposed to do. I did what was expected of me, kept my house spotless, worked crazy hours, super-parented (this one turned out well in the end, actually), played perfect, and looked mostly like I had the part down. EXCEPT I WAS MISERABLE.
Enter nearly every life change possible and ten years later I'm starting to wonder why no one told me that my thirties were going to suck, to be sure to stay true to myself. Aholes. So here I am, self, telling you - just do you. This getting back to who you really are, when you've been fakin' it till you make it so long is really hard work. People don't always like you. Most people you liked, you don't like either, so it works out!
The plank: if you're tired, miserable and hate your life, you can fix it. Breathe. Align. Ditch the perfection, bigger, better, bigger, better crap and enjoy where you are. Get to know yourself again. This is going to take a while, so get comfy, too. You will spend a good chunk of time figuring who just 'you' is again, in order to uncover what it is that fills your bucket.
Don't be afraid to be alone. Alone does not always mean lonely.
Do the things that make you belly laugh, bring you joy, and allow you to connect. Give yourself a break. Love on yo'self. You're worth it.
XO
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