Honor Thyself

A few weeks ago I did a thing. For myself. By myself. For TWO hours. Sounds scandalous, doesn't it?

I've been working on this self love thing. I've never had a problem telling people to find a short pier, or helping others find themselves, but it's a whole different story when you're looking in a mirror instead of through a window.

Loving myself is good. I embrace my crazy, my curvaceousness, my passion, and I am finding my peace. But, I don't do much for me. I pour all my goodness in to other people and I forget. About me. So I adventured the other day and got me some eyelash extensions.

They are beeee-you-tee-ful! Except they drive my eyelashes nuts. My little mama looks hot experience is also turning in self-constraint training, but I'm dealing. And, my eyelashes look fucking amazing doing it.

Here's why this is important: despite the guilt, I saved my shells, scheduled the appointment, and went. For two hours, I could not do anything about what work wanted or what the people needed. No one bounded in to the room, asking me for something. I just, dare I say it or they will want to come with next time, RELAXED and enjoyed this little thing for me.

I'm going to have to do this again in a few weeks, lest I look like a half eye-lashed fool, which means I'm also going to have to be regularly intentional about self honor. I had to give up a few things to make it work in the mama budget, but this is good for me. I need some time to myself. I need to honor the work I've been doing to love and be loved. I don't want to, necessarily, because it's time consuming and raw, but this soul needed to sparkle a bit - just for me.

It's ok to take that time, to spend a little energy, some shells, honoring you. Find that sparkle that'll celebrate your self work all by yourself...and you'll want more.

Honor thyself.

Lub day Lub

So here we are at love day. I'm not a fan, I'm not opposed. How's that for a stance on our fabulous hallmark holiday?

This day feels different this year. I've been trying to put my finger on it, exactly. I think in the last year I've learned to love myself and give myself some grace. What's transpired is this sense of freedom, of permission, to be happy with myself in my own skin, to celebrate my quirky, to embrace the weirdness of the people around me and to just love without judgement. Starting with myself.

Maybe that's the difference?

Maybe Valentine's Day for us adults is kind of like Christmas for the Grinch...it's about first, your relationship with yourself and second, the good you choose to leave in the lives of others.

It's pretty hard to give your whole self or to bring your best self to any situation, when you're stuck. I'm in to simplicity, wholeness, and connecting myself with the world around me. Still, it's tough to be bold in a world that's looking for me to be silently brilliant.

So, I'm working on letting go of perfection and the person other people think I ought to be to embrace who I am - wonderfully and fearfully made, bold, brilliant, brave. Yeah, I'm working on wonderful and fearless, so we'll just start with Psalm 139:14 and go from there.

In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy this day of lub and keep on finding ways to love me, so I can share me with you. xoxo

Bucket Fillers

During this month of love, I've found myself thinking a lot about bucket fillers.

Nope, I'm not referring to the ice melt that's filling my bucket out back, which as it turns out, doesn't really work on the ice skating rink driveway when it's -30 degrees outside. You only learn that one the hard way. 

This bucket filler thinking started with what to buy my loves to show them love for my favorite Hallmark holiday. When my child told me she wants an Apple watch for Valentine's day, we had a quick re-alignment, #youneedajobforthat conversation. I ditched the buy more stuff idea. We have way too much stuff.

I'm focused on free fun, free love, freedom - what makes me whole. The joy factor things that fill up my heart and refuel me, so much so that it bubbles over and I share it with someone else who needs joy and love. Bucket fillers.

As we work toward this more simple life thing, bucket fillers are really important. So is sleep, which gives our brains the ability to repair and reset from the stress, trauma, drama that we experience during our day "jobs". When the sleep bucket is empty, not even chocolate works to fill the old heart song bucket. 

So, I've been searching for the things that fill my bucket and during this journey, I discovered that letting go of having the perdy-est bucket, the biggest, bestest bucket fills 'er right up. Bucket fillers are free. It's super simple.

Here's why: I gave myself grace to enjoy life, 

laughed a little more, sang louder but worse, 

and aligned myself with people who don't spend their time judging me. 

WHOA. 

Have I mentioned that a lot of self discovery happens after forty and that simple is almost impossible without it?

The deal is this: in my younger, pre-parenthood life I was wild, free, funny, zany, and could have cared less what people thought of me. Then parenthood happened. For a long, sleep deprived time after that, I worked toward perfection. I thought that's what I was supposed to do. I did what was expected of me, kept my house spotless, worked crazy hours, super-parented (this one turned out well in the end, actually), played perfect, and looked mostly like I had the part down. EXCEPT I WAS MISERABLE. 

Enter nearly every life change possible and ten years later I'm starting to wonder why no one told me that my thirties were going to suck, to be sure to stay true to myself. Aholes. So here I am, self, telling you - just do you. This getting back to who you really are, when you've been fakin' it till you make it so long is really hard work. People don't always like you. Most people you liked, you don't like either, so it works out!

The plank: if you're tired, miserable and hate your life, you can fix it. Breathe. Align. Ditch the perfection, bigger, better, bigger, better crap and enjoy where you are. Get to know yourself again. This is going to take a while, so get comfy, too. You will spend a good chunk of time figuring who just 'you' is again, in order to uncover what it is that fills your bucket.

Don't be afraid to be alone. Alone does not always mean lonely.

Do the things that make you belly laugh, bring you joy, and allow you to connect. Give yourself a break. Love on yo'self. You're worth it.

XO

Doing insane things to stay sane.

It's been an interesting week. The temperatures have been at an all time low.  The kids have been home from school all week because of dangerous weather conditions. Emotions have been all over the board.  And lets face it, there just no more good snacks to eat in the pantry to cope.

I've been thinking a lot, since the beginning of the year, about all the things I do to move through this life. It hasn't always been very graceful. I've made healthy choices that feel awful. I've made awful choices that felt healthy.  I've had moments where I have done just enough to get by. And sometimes I do crazy things to just to do the best with the time I have.  Because we all wish we had a few more hours in the day.  Am I right?

I started listing off the insane things I do for sanity:

1.  I set my car clock ahead a few minutes to make myself think I am running behind, just so I can get to where I am going on time.

2.  I vacuum my front porch so I don't have to sweep.

3.  I sneak toys out of the house while the kids are asleep, so I don't have to have the conversation with them of why it should stay when they haven't played with it in over a year.

4.  I go to bed at the same time as my kids so that I can wake up at ridiculous hours in the morning just to have "me time".

5.  I insist that the kids eat a balanced meal while I will inhale a cookie to spare clean up for one more person.

6.  I sometimes make decisions in my relationship, as if I were single, like what stays and goes in the house, to make life a bit more simple.

I am sure we all have quirks and weird routines.  The things that anyone else would look at and question how we ever decided that was a good idea because there is a better way of thinking or reasoning. And yet, there are those that would say we are genius.

What are the things that you do to stay sane? The oddball ideas that get you through life.  What are the sillies you embrace that keep you happy?

Today, embrace the insanity that keeps you sane!